November 2, 2010: An email to a friend

I must begin by saying I serve a mighty and compassionate God who has touched my life in a very personal way. On October 26 we went in for our 14 week (4month) OB appointment. At this time we were told that little Caleb's heartbeat could not be found. Devasted and numb I sat and listened as the doctor told us that the bleeding had become so bad that clots and blood had filled the uterus and blocked Caleb's blood supply. My heart shattered and my world felt as if it was shifting on it's axis. Wildly I groped in the blinding hurt to grasp hold of the cross, just to hide in it's shadow and feel the Father's arms around me rocking me and to hear his tender voice whispering words of comfort only He can speak. We took several days off with our children, just to be alone and pray as we had some decisions regarding the delivery of the baby (whether to wait it out - up to two months - to deliver naturally at home, to have a D&C - which we were told the baby may be too big for, or to have an induced labor using laminaria and medication - very painful. After several days and much prayer we opted for the last option and labor induction was begun on Monday Nov 1 at 4pm.....Caleb Levi Riddle was born on Nov 2nd at 12:36 am, weighing 8 ounces (he had lost some mass due to the time between induction and his death), and 3 1/2 inches long. We were able to see him and the hospital took his tiny hand prints for a keepsake of his life. We will be burying him at a beautiful church cemetery close to our home this weekend. God has been so faithful through this pregnancy that even in Caleb's death I see the provisions that God gave us. Just two weeks before we were able to count finger and toes on the ultrasound and hear a beating heart. Through it all we have been afforded many times to testify of God's unending provisions of grace and mercy and love and comfort. Even now we are looking at the fact that God brought us to this mountain and deep and dark valley to show us a need for a ministry to those who have early miscarraiges (before 20 weeks). We found it difficult to find a place to bury Caleb and found almost no resources or ministries in this area for this particular type of loss (as so many do not see life as beginning at conception although this is perfectly clear in Psalm and Jeremiah 1 when it is recorded that God knows us before he places us in our mother's womb). We are praying that God provide us the finances to purchase land here in Texas to open a memorial cemetery for miscarried babies (those born before the 20th week). We hope to begin a ministry to offer grief counseling and support to family members as well as a place to bury the baby or (in the case of D&C when the body is not available) at least place a memorial of some sort. Our ministry is to be called Caleb's Mountain Memorial Ministry - as Caleb of the bible said "Give me my mountain" - and miscarraige is truly a steep and scary and often lonely mountain to climb. Though my pain is deep ad my heart is broken I am ever thankful that my faith has been tried and refined in the fire and strengthened and redefined by the Father and through is grace and mercy. I am thankful for his answered prayers and His comfort. Please pray for the finances to come through and pray for us as we begin a new family ministry.